Philanthropic Friday: Domestic Violence
Many years ago when we were a young couple, like many of you starting out, we lived in an apartment. Our neighbors were of all ages, mostly older retirees or single working professionals. There was one couple a few years younger than us that lived next door that I’ll never forget.
Again, like many of us just starting a life together, money was tight. It was the early 90’s and I was recently out of college. I had sent out hundreds of résumés, gone on countless interviews and even accepted a couple of part-time positions that were well beneath my level of education. Fortunately Nicole worked for her father which guaranteed us some steady income while we got on our feet. Our neighbors weren’t so lucky. She was still in school while he bounced from job to job, usually in the food service industry. We could hear their arguments through the thin walls of the apartment, usually over money and bills. He controlled the finances since he was “bringing home the bacon”, she was left with whatever he would give her as an allowance. Then one night…
I’ll never forget that night. There was a knock on our door and there she stood, black eye and all. It was my first exposure to physical domestic violence. She was crying and ran past me into our bedroom with my wife. A couple minutes later her boyfriend came to our door demanding to see her.
Now I’m not a particularly big guy, God blessed me with book smarts and a warped sense of humor, but when it comes to intimidation by size, I’m not the man for the job. Fortunately for me I still had a good 10 pounds and an inch or two on the guy, so he didn’t think of taking his anger out on me. However, when he tried to push past me into my own apartment, something in me snapped.
For a long time I had collected baseball memorabilia, and by sheer coincidence I had an autographed bat signed by Eddie Mathews nearby. A bat is a bat in an emergency, so I picked it up, lightly placed it on his shoulder from behind, and warned him that the next ‘swing’ wouldn’t be so soft. He took a second to assess my seriousness and fled the scene. My only regret was we didn’t call the authorities (on her request), but she did leave him shortly thereafter.
We personally saw this type of financial abuse (by controlling her with the household’s money) escalate into a violent altercation that nearly 25 years later is still a vivid memory. I constantly look for telltale signs of domestic abuse in nearly every couple I know, not because I think they’re bad people, but because I feel guilty about not seeing the signs earlier for our neighbor.
I recently learned of a new project by the Allstate Foundation called the Purple Purse. They confirmed something that I had already learned – that domestic violence and financial abuse often go hand-in-hand. Nearly 8 in 10 Americans have not heard much about financial abuse as a form of domestic violence and the number one reason domestic violence survivors stay, leave or return to an abusive relationship is that they don’t have the financial resources to break free.
In conjunction with Kerry Washington, Emmy-nominated actress and domestic violence activist, the Allstate Foundation is helping to raise awareness for the cause and has designed a limited-edition purple purse. The purse was created to represent the center of a woman’s financial domain and to inspire women to reclaim their financial independence. Kerry Washington managed the design process of this limited-edition purple purse from start to finish and incorporated on-trend shapes, details and fabrics. The purse is being used by the nonprofits participating in the Allstate Foundation Purple Purse Challenge to spark conversation about domestic violence and financial empowerment in their communities.
You too can help the cause by visiting PurplePurse.com and getting involved in their challenge. Donate $10 to one of the associated charities and be entered into a daily drawing for one of three Purple Purses!
You can also turn your purse into a Purple Purse! The Allstate Foundation is widely distributing Purple Purse charms so you can show your support and attach to your favorite bag year round. They are being distributed with inspiring survivor stories through Purple Purse Challenge participants and Allstate agency owners.
Since 2005, The Allstate Foundation has invested more than $40 million across the country to help domestic violence survivors regain control of their finances and break free from abuse. If you or someone you know needs immediate help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Please support the Purple Purse Challenge by proudly displaying your charm, donating to the charity of your choice and by following them on Twitter and Facebook. Next time I know I’ll be prepared, please make sure you are too.
27 thoughts on “Philanthropic Friday: Domestic Violence”
I have not heard of this cause up until this point.. i will definitely check this out..
This is a wonderful post. Thanks for the story and for telling us a way we can help.
I dealt with domestic violence in the past. Many years down the road I still have nightmares, fears of crowds, dogs and many other things. PTSD is long lasting. I am really happy to see this campaign happening. We need all the awareness we can get.
Wow, what a story. It makes me so sad to hear about all of these domestic violence cases. At least now, as a nation, we’re engaged in dialogue. I just read something on BlogHer about the Purple Purse campaign and Kerry Washington. Thanks for the links to the clips. Very informative piece.
This is definitely a great cause and I’m all about supporting & bringing awareness to good causes for social good! Thank you for sharing!
I have a good friend that dealt with domestic violence. It’s great to bring some awareness to this cause.
Finally someone addressing one of the darker issues of abuse.
It’s a most helpless feeling for a woman.
I’m so glad to see this now!
Often you hear, why don’t you just leave him?
Um hello and go where? Do what? with WHAT?
It is never that simple.
I just recently heard about Purple Purse. I think it’s great that you are bringing awareness to this issue. Many are definitely being held hostage because of lack of finances.
I have been through domestic violence before. It really did scar me and it took me a long time to get past it.
Great post. Thanks for sharing the information.
All right LOVE that All State has stepped up to the plate to speak on this subject. It’s a shame that their are not more resources for women in this situation.
I have been reading a lot about the Purple Purse campaign lately. It is a great way to bring awareness.
Interesting post. It was always my intuition that financial dependency was a recipe for abuse … interesting to see it confirmed here.
Unfortunately, I was a little closer to the situation as the person who suffered under the hands of another was my sister. She’s one of the lucky few and now we both do what we can to support our local shelter as I encourage all to do.
This is a touchy subject for me. I have been there and thankfully I got out in time before he did more damage to me than he already did.
Well this is a fitting post I just came from an 8 hour nursing conference about this very subject. It was called The Culture of Violence.
Great post and a great foundation. Domestic violence is a terrible thing, and anything we can do to fight it or help anyone who’s been a victim is great.
i didn’t know of this cause but i think it’s great. domestic violence is always around us. it seems that once a celebrity does something then people talk. it should be talked about all the time so that we educate and try to stop it.
To think of the women and children that suffer through abusive situations breaks my heart!
I am so happy to see people addressing this issue! Leaving is never as simple as it seems!
I’ve been seeing this a lot lately. I think it is a really great idea!
Wow! I want to put this post on my site. This……this has to get out. I hadn’t ever heard of this foundation before. This…..best thing I have read in some time. Very informative. I am so blown away right now.
This is such an important issue to raise awareness about. Unfortunately, many women still suffer in silence.
I just want to say what a fabulous post this is to raise awareness. I am a survivor of DV its nice to see companies sharing this and getting the word out. I think what you did for your neighbor was wonderful. I wouldn’t feel bad because the statics show that a woman will leave an average of 7 times before finally leaving. I am glad she finally got out of it. Its so sad.
I think this is an important cause – being able to take back your financial control is so important. This is such a great cause to support, thank you for sharing this.
I support domestic violence shelters….
Very scary. Someone close to me has been a victim. She left but to this day looks around every corner.